Celebrity IOU

You know why you’re so confused all the time? You don’t wash between your toes. It’s that simple.

You dropped out of med school to do what? Dude, the app is called “Snack Swipe.” Never gonna work. Just go work for your Uncle... let him teach you how to be a real man.

So let me get this straight— you don’t do drugs, but you’ll have sex with women you’re not married to...? That’s not nuanced, you’re a hypocrite.

Everyone’s suspicious, man. Maybe your family was in on it, maybe not. Just lay low, and don’t draw attention to yourself. It’ll all die down... maybe. Just don’t ask how these strawberries got here.

Time for a spiritual cleanse. Get this month right, and you'll have it all figured out. Fast properly, read your Quran, no sex, no porn... bro, close the MacBook! No porn. Just do the Ramadan. Do it for God. Do it for Shawn’s mom.

Dena, stop trying to soul search like your brother. How are you gonna find yourself if you have to be home by 10? By the way, has anyone seen Ramy lately?

Ramy, habibi, it’s Mom. Why don’t you call back? You don’t text, you don’t answer, you don’t even check this voicemail... astaghfirullah... call me. I just want to know you are ok. I made Koshary. Ok, bye.

You need to start getting right with Allah. All you do is focus on yourself... why don’t you do something for someone else? Help Steve. And no, not just because he's in a wheelchair.

ramy min amreeka! iz3yak ya bro! 3amel eh? wa7eshni awi ya brence, wallahi. so pumped ur comin bro. didn’t seen u since we were 8!! a5bar new york eh basha?? and enta landing when? tell me all the flight infozzz, i’ll be there - whatsapp me habibi.

Give in, Ramy. Surrender. Stop overthinking things. Sure, it's a bit unconventional, but you gotta follow your heart. No matter where it leads. Who knows, you might even find some happiness. Inshallah.